Leaving Europe: Final Thoughts, Final Decision

We finally settled down after our long international flight from France to California. It's only been a few days since we've been back, and already it feels like it never happened. However there are other times I forget I'm not in France anymore, and frankly I've noticed a few things I actually miss about Europe... and a few things I don't.

What I Miss

#1 Coffee Shops

I miss how every European coffeeshop (and most bars and restaurants) had fresh squeezed orange juice available. I'm one of those moms that doesn't give her baby juice (as per the dentist's instructions, and my own anxiety from personal battles with cavities), but I had no problem with freshly prepared juice and Baby G loved it! It's healthier than bottled juice, with sugars our bodies can easily recognize and digest, and genuinely tastes better. A juice and pain au chocolate or croissant were among her usual breakfasts. Which brings me to my next miss, the boulangeries (French bakeries). No country does baking (and main course foods) better than Francia, and we sorely miss the buttery croissants and pain au chocolates. All breads taste fake and bland in comparison; I was never a bread person to begin with, but in France I was... every day and EVERY MEAL!

#2 Paris Parks

My next miss are the parks in Paris. Although a dense city, Paris does a great job with utilizing empty spaces and turning them into green spaces or parks. Suffice to say, there was a park every block or two for different age groups, or simply just to sit and enjoy the ambiance and greenery. This is something I think the US could do better at, the amount of parks available as well as the ingenuity that goes into it. Seriously, the children's parks were not only plentiful but very creative, you could tell some thought went into each design; and sometimes there was a merry-go-round nearby (Baby G's favorite activity, bar none). That being said, for small children and toddlers, that's ALL there was to do with your kids. Museums, Palaces, etc. were not baby friendly, even if they were marketed as such, and most smaller children are kept in their strollers.

It seemed the French have this mentality of...

French system: "What do you do with a child? Why, you put them in a cresh school, but of course."

Me: "She's not in a cresh school. What else can I do?"

French system: "Why the park, of course!"

Me: "Well I already did that, isn't there anything else I can do?"

French system: "...We already told you, the park!"

Me: "We've already been to like two, how about a museum?"

French system: "If you must, but the child must behave and not touch anything. Otherwise, the child belongs outside and at the park where they can explore, not in an establishment where people are trying to learn. Children must be seen [and admired] and not heard; and please keep your child off the grass!"

Okay that last bit's a little harsh (except the grass comment, that's real), but I sometimes felt that way, and that the cadre parenting system was very much present. For example, if you went to an establishment (restaurant, museum, venue) they didn't always have accommodations for babies or small children; or sometimes only small children, but not toddlers or babies. The French way is to involve their children from an early age in adult pass-times, not really separating a child's world from an adult's, such as UK and American families tend to do. The French culture believes a baby is born already knowing, or having the tools to quickly learn, how to behave in society; thereby from exposing the child early to the world of adults (and also the needs of their parents), children seem more mature and capable of restraining child-like impulses. In other words, being patient when need be. Basically, sometimes Baby G was treated as though she were a learned, well-behaved young adult... when really she's just a normal [at times chaotic] toddler.

#3 The Paris Metro

For me, the trains were easy to learn (they're very similar to Chicago) and they got you anywhere you wanted to go in and out of Paris. I loved this aspect, the train going anywhere you needed and a short walk the rest of the way. It's also healthier for the individual, as I probably walked between 3-5km a day. Once we learned the train and bus systems, we had all of France at our fingertips! Baby G and I had many mommy-daughter excursions going to places like Versailles, Auvers, Saint Germain, and many others, all within 1-1.5 hours from Paris. The Ile de France (IDF) train pass was definitely the way to go, though they only work for the IDF province of Paris. Travel outside this province and your train card won't work, subjecting you to both a fine and having to purchase a separate train ticket to your destination (this happened to us when we traveled to Giverny, not knowing the town was located just over the border in Normandy).

#4 The History

Paris is a city of history, going as far back as Romans conquering the Gauls Tribes around 50BC. I loved wandering around the city, seeing famous gothic style buildings, hidden colosseums, revamped train stations and mansions, and ancient Roman baths. Sometimes, I could look at a standard house or building and see it was built on top, or practically merged, with a much older foundation. The further you ventured towards the center of the city, the more there was to find. What's more, the city has thousands of museums for tourists to explore. Admittingly some of the museums seemed a bit dated and not "English friendly", but many were considered the top academic institutions for their time (esp. 1600-1900s), and some have made efforts to be more language inclusive for tourists to enjoy. Take me to a museum any day, and I'll be happy... though it'd be nice to understand what I was looking at!

#5 The Food, Of Course

Oh how I loved their duck, crepes, charcuterie boards, breads and cheeses. But surprisingly, I became slightly bored of Paris French food only after a month of living there. Not to say it wasn't delicious, but it was a little heavy and a sometimes salty. I started to crave different flavors and side dishes other than salads, onion soup, and French fries. I also wasn't interested in trying plates such as raw tartare or escargot; I'm pretty adventurous when it comes to trying new foods, but not these. However, a pleasant surprise was how much I enjoyed other non-Parisian cuisines such as African, Yemen and Moroccan dishes (something you don't see often in the US). Oh, I was crazy about these restaurants and, sorry to say, they stole the show. Lesson learned, Paris food doesn't just mean French specific foods, but foods from all ethnic peoples living in the area. Lastly, I actually enjoyed shopping in the French grocery stores. They had so many different brands and higher grades of foods than America, even hubby noticed his stomachaches were practically non-existent. The American food system could learn a thing or two, for sure! However, I did miss my Goya adobo and sazon spices.

#6 Baby Crazy People

This one was super cute, but French people absolutely love children and especially babies. Big burly men, teenagers, and other small children alike would go completely baby-crazy once they saw Baby G. Waiters would gift extra breads and candies, grocery stockers would coo and talk about their own children, fellow train travelers would mention how much they adore a baby's laughter... these people were everywhere. The train people were especially memorable as strangers would flock to you, asking to help carry your baby stroller down the train station steps (I swear, the Lord will bless these people!). And Baby G was certainly no innocent, she loved the attention and was quite flirtatious with her fans and admirers. Hey, whatever it takes to keep her entertained!

What I Don't Miss

#1 The Paris Metro...

Yes, this makes it on both lists. Why? Because I absolutely HATED the fact there were hardly any elevators or escalators for strollers; some newer lines had them, but most did not. Honestly, it was great having people provide a helping hand (shout out to these unsung heroes!), but carrying a stroller with a baby in it was hard and heavy (not to mention dangerous!) down/up one... two... three... four flights of stairs with a bunch of people crowding around you, going in the same or opposite direction. Taking it a step further, depending on the time of day or if a special event was happening, the trains could be extremely crowded and you sometimes had to fight for space. Packed in like sardines, with little to no air circulation, and watching for opportunistic pickpockets. Yikes! Struggles are only enhanced during summer heatwaves, as people sweat more and BO is at its peak.

#2 Lack of Stay at Home Moms

It was sad to find out there aren't many stay at home moms (SAHM) in Paris. If there were, from the few I met, they were usually expats or half-French (the other "half-nationality" being from a more SAHM prominent culture). Most Parisian parents put their children in the cresh, have [usually foreign] nannies, or grandparents taking care of the young children. Mothers are given a significant amount of time to be with their new babies (8-16 weeks; their third child up to 26 weeks), but typically return to work soon after. If mothers choose to continue being the more prominent caregiver, then they usually work a part-time job still. I think this happens probably because Paris is so expensive, however. I only met one other SAHM in Paris, she was half-French, half-Scottish and seemed [pleasantly] surprised to have met a fellow SAHM [me] playing at a park she and her daughter frequently visited. Our daughters were around the same age and played well together; had I not been leaving France soon after, I think we could have been great friends. So yeah, it can be a little lonely.

#3 The Smell of Cigarettes

Okay, this is more of a personal thing, but I absolutely loathe the smell of cigarettes. The smell makes me nauseous, gives hubby bad ideas (if I hadn't hated the smell of cigarettes as much as I do, he'd still be smoking), and I just don't want it around my baby. It's a big part of any non-American culture, so of course I respect that part, but it doesn't mean I have to enjoy it or want to be around it. The worst was when we would have meals outside, and people would take the table RIGHT NEXT TO OURS and start smoking RIGHT NEXT TO OUR BABY. Of course they hold the cigarette in the hand opposite the table [which...thanks, I guess?], but the fumes would waft over and ruin the whole meal for me nonetheless. Once my head starts to ache, it's time for the check.

#4 The French Fries

When I left France, I was so sick of French Fries. They practically come with every single meal. Baby G and hubby loved this, but I got bored of it fairly quick. Nothing else to say here.

#5 Medicine Purchases

Pharmacies are nothing new, they're everywhere in Europe. The problem? They are their own separate entity: separate buildings, separate open and closing times, and varying degrees of items in stock. Headache? You won't find ibuprofen in a grocery store, you must find a pharmacy. Sore throat? Pharmacy. Cough syrup? Pharmacy. Will the pharmacy have the specific item you're looking for? Who knows.

Worst of all, certain medicines you can purchase no problem in the US (i.e. Theraflu, Mucinex), are not allowed to be sold over the counter in France... YOU NEED A DOCTER'S NOTE! That's right, I showed the back of a Theraflu box to the pharmacist and [alarmed] she responded that it was impossible to provide such medicine without one. So what do they do instead? Sell you weak-ass medicine, on par with that of homeopathic products. Do they work? Probably not nearly as well as Theraflu or Mucinex. Also, you can't just walk up and buy the medicine. For any medicine -- be it pain-relief, foot cream, nasal spray -- you must speak with the pharmacist. That's right. Any problem you have, no matter how embarrassing, you must speak with the pharmacist behind the counter, explaining your issue to them while all the other people standing in line behind you listen. There is no privacy when it comes to your health woes, certainly not when the French government has its hands wrapped so tightly around the health system's croquembouche balls.

#6 Small Apartments

Paris is expensive, no surprise there. I was a little surprised, however, that it was on par with California house prices, only you would get less square footage; or in Europe, square meters. For our 1BD/1BA on AirBnB, it was $2900 per month. It was a bit small for my ideal living space, it was ~650sq.ft, but at least it had a decent kitchen [albeit no oven] and two balconies [that a neighbor's cat would come visit us on]. BUT! Throughout my search, I inquired about other places on AirBnB that I later realized were only 200sq.ft... for the same price! What's more, when you ask these hosts if the apartment is "baby-friendly" some would say, "oh yes, I raised all three of my children in that house!"... mon dieu, comment!? Don't get me wrong, you learn to live without and you start to appreciate a more minimalist lifestyle. The French culture is, in general, more about being out of the house. Only the rich or elite can afford actual "American-size houses" complete with a backyard in Paris. That's why most venture outside the city to look for better house deals. Yup, sounds just like Santa Barbara.

Why we decided NOT to move to Paris

All said and done, nothing I mentioned had anything to do with our decision to return to America. It was more so from our time speaking with other expats, and their experiences living abroad. They mentioned the language barrier, the culture differences, and notoriety of Paris [cough "tourists" cough] are things you just get use to, and you start getting good at communicating after about a year or two. That being said, any vacation time doesn't go towards visiting other countries or different provinces of France as we hoped, they said it all goes towards visiting family and friends back home. Especially aging grandparents that never get to see their international-raised grandchildren. Which was heartbreaking when you think about it.

Another expat parent, his wife is from France and he is American, said France's school system was a bit wonky. As I mentioned, France wants your child in the cresh, the country invests heavily in its education and childcare systems and thus encourages [even pressures?] families into registering children early on. This American expat father then explained how France just passed a new law: starting from age 3 your child must be registered in a preschool and is not allowed to be away from school for more than 3 weeks total per year. That means by law the family cannot be away from the country for more than 3 weeks, if they have children going to school. Previously the age was 6 years old, starting from kindergarten. This didn't sit well with me, especially since it's just preschool, and gave me slight early indoctrination vibes [but hey, call me paranoid]. It's also apparently very hard to homeschool your children too, the laws regarding this are very strict and parents must receive prior authorization to do so. A Spanish friend of mine mentioned it's even against the law in many European countries, like Spain.

Lastly, hubby's salary would be greatly decreased as his "American contract" would be transferred to a "French contract". Generally speaking, France doesn't pay its engineers as much as American engineers make, perhaps due to the country's high taxes. Having spoken to a few other American expats work colleagues, we found after a few years they wanted to return home to the US to be closer to family and regain some income. That being said, this isn't something that can be done so easily and would need to take an indefinite amount of time to achieve. Basically with his job, it would be easy to move from America to France, but not France to America. Needless to say, saving money would be much harder to do, we would need to place Baby G into a daycare, and I would need to find work.

All in all, for us and our family, we decided France was better to visit on a short term basis rather than long term. At least, at this time in our lives. It made more since to return home, move closer to family while Baby G is still young, and save money for a family home. Will we be returning to France for another epic family adventure? Certainly hubby will for work purposes, and so long as he works for this company there will always be that chance.